Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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