i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
