i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
