Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
