Where did you get a picture of my penis
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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