I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
as a side note pls kill me
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
