Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
