get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
