saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize