i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize