Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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