I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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