dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
