she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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