It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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