it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
