party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
