Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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