He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
