nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
