He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
