Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
