Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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