Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
