used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
