he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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