Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
