At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
