my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
