Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
