9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
