In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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