I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
