Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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