3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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