just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
