when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
