Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize