hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Randomize
