never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My vagina is very pro this idea
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
