I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
