all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Hippo gnu deer
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
