man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize