i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
