Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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