no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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