It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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