we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
