@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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