Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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