Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Randomize
