yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
