VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
