I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
