i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
