quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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