I'm really into asian looking animals
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
