This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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