i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Barsexuality is the new black.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
