Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
