I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
