There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
