sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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