i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
