I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Girls should come with a carfax report
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
