It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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