If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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