My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
