that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
