...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
